2020: The Unexpected Twist

 Assalamualaikum... 

Hi peeps 🤗🤗🤗 

It's been a month kut since the last entry. I'm back!!!! And I hope everyone will not mad at me sebab sikit sikit post entry. Sikit sikit post entry hehe. 

Korang!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BESOK DAH 2021!!!! (I started writing this at 11++ pm ok so pls understand) 

Entahlah I excited roks weh nak tulis on the night of new year. Tapi bila recap balik apa yg jadi for the whole 2020 ni cam haih tak tercakap rasanya tapi takpelah life goes on. 

Tadi I ada bukak question dekat ig. Tapi question tu untuk Bang Im actually. Huhu. 

Disclaimer: Bang Im tu staff pejabat yg dekat dengan kitorang pastu selalu lepak ngan kitorang so tu dah biasa tu. 

Pastu ada this one question, yg my friend tanya bukan untuk Bang Im tapi untuk I. So the question was like this, 

"Taknak tanya Bang Im, nak tanya tiqah (me). How do you summarize your 2020 in one word."

Tbh, I memang longing to write this. Sebab tahun lepas, I terlepas post entry malam new year. So tahun ni I had the basic idea since forever pastu ditambah lagi dengan pandemic ni so memang perfect roks la dengan my basic idea of summarizing 2020 ni. 

 If I were to choose one word untuk summarize my whole 2020, it will be "Grateful". 

I am grateful of what I have. 

I am grateful of what I deserve. 

I am grateful of the health that I maintained. 

I am grateful of the continuous support that I got.

I am grateful of the love I've been showered.

I am grateful of everything that had happened in 2020, except the covid part lah. 

Tapi biasalah setiap sinar tu ada gelapnya dulu.

So here comes the worse parts of 2020.  

I started out my 2020 with an unsuccessful GISO Program. I was so frustrated + sad + regret sebab kitorang decide cancel plan tu 2 hari sebelum tarikh sebenar. Eeee tulis ni pun sedih tau rasa nak nangis semula 😭😭😭😭 

Pastu kitorang baru pindah rumah baru. Tak sampai 3 bulan duduk dah PKP. Okay lah tu tapi yg tak okay nya sebab sewa kena bayar every month. So kat situ la tak best huhu. Kalau kumpul balik duit rumah sewa yg kitorang bayar tapi tak duduk ni, nak cecah 1k jugaklah. 

Tengah bulan, ODL (online distance learning). Serious demi apa pun, I lagi sanggup bangun pagi pergi class dari teruskan online class cemni ✋😔. Sakit dia takyah cakap. Mentally exhausted. Bukan I sorang. Semua. Bila je tak nangis, bila je tak royan, bila je tak stress. 

Masuk quarter terakhir tahun 2020, macam nampak sinar sikit nak masuk belajar face to face. And then, the second wave struck! And everything's back to square one. Part paling sedih bila final year project kitorang kena tukar dengan paper review. Sumpah sakit. Pastu I dapat tahu pulak yg chemicals kitorang sampai sehari selepas lecturer announce fyp tukar jadi paper review. Sumpah tu paling sakit 😭 

Waktu tu I told myself: 

"That's it! Enough for 2020 I have no faith in 2020 anymore!" 

So kat mana unexpected twist tu? Haaaa yg I cerita ni lah the unexpected twist tu. We were so sure everything will run smoothly tapi perancangan Tuhan tu lebih besar. 

But......

Deep down, I knew for a fact, 2020 is an eye opening for me. 

I jadi lagi concern ke atas everything yg jadi dalam hidup. 

I live healthier. 

Started to do regular exercise.

Started to love myself. 

Been indulge in KPOP again and I'm glad I stan the right group, BTS. ✋🤪 I mean, they've been spoiling us with comforting music and lyrics. I jenis tengok lyrics so bila lyrics dia ngam memang I auto stan lah that group. Huhu. 

Okay enough pasal KPOP. Now back to reality. 

For me 2020 is a year of gratitude. I tend to appreciate people, love myself and embrace my flaws so much more that I did before. 

You too. You should love yourself and embrace your flaws too! Because you are beautiful by being you. Not someone else. 

I know we all struggling with mental health and all I can advise you is take a step backward and pat your shoulder.

 It's okay not to be okay. 

It's okay not to be as fast as other people.

 It's okay to fall on your knee, but make sure you get up stronger later. 

I know 2020 has been hard on us. 

Some were exhausted. Some were suffered. But we're in this together. We fight together. And one day, we'll win together. 😊 

Here's a shout out to all people who's happened to know me by all means, thanks. You guys are the best. For those who read all my entries, I love you. For those who were there through my thick and thin, I love you double triple. God knows how much you all meant to me. 

I ended this entry with a short poem (eee geli pulak nak cakap poem tapi pape jelah) yg I buat not long ago.  Jangan muntah.

 It is the time of the year?

The time where I pray,
Everything goes back to normal.

Its funny,
Because we had January & February,
And the rest filled up with new history.

Locked up in the same place,
Losing track of the time and days,
Its spring when I first writing my songs,
Summer goes fast though,
Now winter peeking through,
Excited to come in.

Oh,
I miss school,
I miss my homies,
I miss everything.

Nevertheless,
I will miss the time,
I spent at home searching for rhymes,
And harmony to my locked up songs.

Is the ending here?
Cause Im excited to greet the future,
So let me free,
Let me say goodbye to 2020. 

-Ending- 

Yeah so have a happy new year everyone. May God bless your year all round. 

안녕 2020.

안녕 2021. 

Ikhlas, 

Fourth Year tersakiti.