Assalamualaikum...
Hi peeps. Wah kemain ya rajin Atiqah ni buat entry time time MCO ni haih. Buat assignments malas tapi tulis entry rajin pulak hmmm.
So tonight, I feel especially upset/sad or idk. Tapi feeling yg tak best lah (ugh I hate it!) Maybe sebab dah lama pkp kut so emosi and otak I dah tak parallel. I think I should start seeing psychiatrics. Ecececece over pulek 😒.
Okay so sebenarnya I just wanna share my random thought. Lately, I selalu dengar banyak sangat kematian (mungkin nilah kut yg buatkan I jadi too emotional kebelakangan ni). Be it somebody who is close to me or a complete stranger. Tak kisahlah yg mana satu pun, the news was so much devastating. Tapi alhamdulillah, semua yg pergi tu, waktu hidup dulu sangat dihargai orang lain. In other word, they are so loved by other people. Sampaikan kadang kadang ada a complete stranger pun sama sama bersedih mengenangkan arwah yg sudah pergi tu.
And it made me think of myself. Looking back, I left nothing for the world to appreciate me. I left no impression towards my family/friends signing that I actually care for them (sebab I bukan jenis yg tunjuk tapi itu bukan alasan ya). I give zero contribution to the world. Yet how can people remember me?
I selalu risau nanti waktu I dah takde ada ke orang nak sedekahkan al fatihah untuk I?
Ada ke orang yg akan ingat I at least dalam doa dorang?
Ada ke orang yg akan sedih bila I takde nanti?
Ada ke jasa yg I buat yg orang ingat dan constantly bagi pahala dekat I dan dia?
All these "ada ke" questions keeps playing in my mind everytime I dengar ada kematian berlaku.
I tak ramai kawan, sebab I taktahu nak maintain friendship macam mana. Like I said, I jarang tunjuk I care dekat orang sebab I malu hehe. Kadang tu, I rasa I let go of my friends unconciously. Lagi lagi time mco ni kan lagila cam sendunya hidup aku hahahahhahaha
Okay get back with the topic.
My next random thought would be....... (cuba teka?)
Yes, correct!
Pasal my amal. Bila cerita pasal amal ni allahu terus rasa nak marah diri sendiri.
Sebab.
I know death would come anytime, tapi I wouldn't even try to work hard towards the hereafter pun. I selalu mintak dengan Allah, tetapkanlah my iman. Iman kan boleh jadi naik, boleh jadi turun. Jadi I harap waktu Allah tarik nyawa I, iman I di tahap yg tertinggi yg I boleh capai.
Kadang kadang kan, bila cerita pasal amal ni boleh buat nangis tau. Sebab selalu terkenang benda lagha (read: melalaikan) yg kita pernah buat. Sedih tapi tak sedar.
And haritu I ada bukak qna dekat my ig. I tanya pasal late night thought, pastu one of my friends dia cakap pasal kematian ni la. Pastu thank to him, I terus teringat dekat Ayatul Kursi. And now I wanna share to all of you pulak. Nanti lepas solat kita biasakan baca Ayatul Kursi tau. InsyaAllah, kalau ditarik nyawa kita, tiada apa yg menghalang kita dari masuk syurga sebab jarak di antara syurga dan orang orang yg mengamalkan Ayat Kursi selepas solat hanyalah kematian.
I pun selalu jugak terlupa nak baca so jom kita amalkan slow slow ya. Moga jadi asbab untuk kita ke syurga Allah :)
Okay tu je my random thoughts. Korang macam mana? Tapi I super believe yg my readers semuanya disayangi ramai termasuk I hehe. If you mind, do share with me your random thought on this.
Oh! If you guys ( I mean the one yg follow my entry since then) curious apesal lah dia ni asyik buat entry tengah malam. So here I tell you guys.
1) Late night thought ni lebih jujur. Dia buat kita fikir pasal diri, pasal masa depan, pasal perasaan. For me this is the truest (?) time sepanjang 24 jam sehari yg kita ada.
2) This may only work for me. Some people can, some people cant. For me, idea tengah malam ni mencurah curah. Sebabtu biasanya I start tulis entry pukul 11/12 ke atas.
3) Ini waktu yg paling tenang. Takde bunyi bising yg boleh ganggu my thought except for the keypad sound yg I sengaja enable. So adalah feeling menulis tu sikit haaa gittew.
And for your information, semua yg I tulis at late night, kebanyakannya datang dari hati ecececece. Datang dari apa yg I baru fikir.
I thank you guys for staying till the end just to read my complete crap. You guys are the best. 🤟
Oh ya, If you are feeling very upset, I recommend you to listen to 2!3! by BTS. I love the lyrics hehe.
And for muslim, bacalah surah Dhuha. Allah already stated that He will never leave by our side 😊
I hope these will comfort you. Till then peeps.
👋👋👋
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