What 22 Have Done To Me

 Assalamualaikum.... 

Breathe in.... Breathe out.... and set! 

Hi peeps 😁😁😁 

Its been a while since my last post. ((I guess)) 

And yeah, here I am writing at 2AM hehe. 

So guys I had my birthday last week on the 23rd. And yeayy finally I am turning 22 ✌✌✌ 😙😙 

*insert sticker dancing bunny* 

Finally dah jadi dewasa tapi masih dengan ketinggian dan wajah remaja. 😚 haha kasilah chance I nak brag sikit. 🤪 

I actually wanted to write an entry on that day tapi things got held back so I needed to cancel my plan. But these things have been lingering in my mind RENT FREE! So Im gonna spit it all out today hehe. So if you are having the same problem as mine, may it helps you as well. 😊 

So bismillah. 

Since then, I live my life, thinking I need to be good to people if I want them to be good to me. As they say, be good and good things will happen to you. I live up to that quote for quite some times. 

And yes. It works. I did good things and good things came to me. Tapi lama lama I notice I lost something. As if the good things alone aren't enough. I want it to be equal. The amount of good things happen to me = the amount of the deeds I've done. Simple math. 

I used to always hope for something in return for my good deeds. Be it excel in my study, being recognized by people, being thanked for and etc. I enjoy easing people's life as well as I enjoy being thanked for whatever deeds that I gave. I believe at one point of life, we will encounter this feeling. And for me, it happened for quite a long time without me realizing it.

I would say 22 is the starting point of your age when maturity hits. Well, if thats not the case for you, it is for me. I couldn't believe it took me so much time to realize that the world isn't revolve around me. This life isn't a simple math. Its E=mc². Complicated but intriguing. 

At the age of 22, I knew something isn't right. And I realize I was being selfish. So selfish I must say. This is kinda hard to admit but yeah thats the painful truth. But alhamdulillah, Allah is really good to me that He always gives me whatever that I wished for. And being so, it adds up to my regret for being selfish. 

Here's the thing that I learned, we are acting kind, not because we need something to regain from it. But because being kind is what it is. The only option we get to do in this life. We do good things not to please people, but only to seek for the approval from the Almighty. Cause at the end of the day, there are only two possible places for us- Heaven or Hell. Therefore I choose heaven. All the time. And I hope our choice is the same. 

Being kind or throwing good deeds will not always give us flowers in return, but certainly it gives satisfaction one would never expected. Yes! That's the thing I lost for quite some times. 

I guess this pandemic thingy isn't bad at all. Well take me for example,  I learned so much for the past few months. Uhm, particularly about life. And I believe, everybody has their own story of life that being left untold. Like me. It took me long, to finally found the thing that I lost - satisfaction. And this pandemic period, has given me ample time to keep searching for that one thing. 

People, maybe it is just me who've been striken by reality at the age of 22. But I believe at some point of life, you will be in my situation too. And I'd say, thats when maturity hits. I am so glad it hits me at 22. Early enough for me to make a judgment out of myself (( well I did hope the maturity hits me earlier than this, though)). It knocks the sense out of me and thus brings out the very new me. Alhamdulillah. 😁 

22 birthdays has passed and this year, is the best. Thanks for all the wishes you guys has sent to me. I appreciate it. So much. And I hope my writing would be of help for you guys out there. 😊

Remember, we were created to please the creator, not the creation. 😁 So if you used to be in the same boat as mine, let's stop and take one step to change. Continue being kind, because that is what you're meant to do. 

Oh ya, I pray all of you would success in whatever you're doing. And I hope you all pray for mine too! Don't forget to take care of your mental health. Its okay to stop for a moment. Your life isn't a race, okay. You are the ruler of your life. So lead it on your pace. Sometimes, being no 1 is not all about winning. 😊 Take care people. Till we meet again. 💜

Annyeong! 👋